That is a great question, one that is certainly deserving of attention if you have never taken the appropriate time to contemplate it. As I contemplate this very question, my mind is flooded with labels that society has created, and I have adopted. Labels like husband, father, brother, friend, coach, athlete, entrepreneur, veteran, dog lover, yogi, musician (okay, maybe that last one is a stretch). However, when I look behind these labels I realize that I am so much more than what anyone of these could ever say about who I am. After all, I am the sum of all my experiences; good and bad… as are you!
Although in some way I did just get done stating that we are not our labels, I do believe that some labels we take on attach much deeper to our core being. For myself, there are three that resonate the most: Lover, Teacher, and Warrior.
I have always held a deep reverence for living things, however I can’t say that I always understood love. There were many times that I thought I was “in love” and I believed that I loved family and friends that were close to me, but until I discovered self love and developed an authentic relationship with myself, I didn’t realize that much of what I believed to be this emotion was more or less codependency.
The truth is, for a long time, I was trying to fill a void that could never be filled through another person. I was seeking relationships with others and yet I wasn’t nurturing the most important relationship we all have, the one with ourselves. In fact, I would do just about anything in order to not spend time with myself… i.e. watch TV, play video games, surf the web, bury myself in a career, take on house projects, etc. Yet, almost like the plague, I would avoid activities that were introspective, that caused me to look inward like journaling, meditation, or speaking with a therapist.
Why did I avoid these activities? Why did I self medicate the existence of trauma and drama with drugs and alcohol? The answers are simple. I didn’t love myself, and being alone with my thoughts, facing my truth, and acknowledging my shadow were all terrifying. So terrifying that I found something to fill every waking minute of my days.
Now, I can’t say that there was a singular event that occurred that brought about self-love. It is something I have worked at, like any relationship! And like many relationships, it hasn’t been easy, but it has been rewarding. One thing I will say, is it feels pretty damn good to say, I love who I am!
And yet that is just the tip of the iceberg. As with self love, I discovered a true capacity to love others. I have learned that love is not wanting, love is not needing, rather love is freedom. I no longer need others to conform to my desires, I no longer resent others for not sharing my views and opinions. As such, I am free to appreciate them for who they are and to see the opportunities that our relationship may offer.
On many occasions, I have found myself overflowing with love that it literally poured out of me. At first, I associated these “tears of joy” with sadness and even shared that was the emotion I was experiencing in the moment. However, with subsequent occurrences and reflection, I have come to realize that in none of these moments was I feeling sad. Instead, I realize that I am experiencing an overwhelming degree of connection with others, seeing them as their authentic selves, holding no judgment but rather appreciation and honor for the time and space we share together.
And still, there is an even bigger truth I have discovered. I do not need to “know” someone in order to love them. In fact, I don’t even need to like them. This profound realization came to me at a retreat. During this period of reflection, I came to realize that those I had previously viewed as my enemies, as my perpetrators, were actually my greatest teachers. I no longer needed to associate feelings of anger and resentment. I was free to receive the gift that those relationships had bestowed upon me. I was free to claim the power that I had been giving away… and all I had to do was love… And so, after a six hour period of silence, I exclaimed to the room, “I love everybody!”.
Before ever realizing myself I was a teacher, I recall others seeing this energy in me. As a youth, it was apparent that I questioned everything. I always had a thirst for knowledge and a curiosity fueled by simple questions like “Why?” and “How?”
But questioning everything doesn’t make you a teacher, that makes you a student. So what is it that others saw and I have come to realize myself? Well, I can’t speak on behalf of those who may have planted a seed many years ago, however, when I consider some other character traits it makes perfect sense.
I love to share! Okay, I can’t say I was always great at sharing my toys and I am still a bit possessive over my guitars. But when it comes to knowledge, I love to share. Part of it is the exchange. Oftentimes when sharing knowledge, the party you are sharing with has knowledge themselves to share. At other times, it is simply the joy of helping others. In either situation, when I believe that the wisdom I have gained through experience and the knowledge I have acquired through my pursuit of the truth would benefit another, I am delightfully inclined to share.
In addition to my passion to share and exchange knowledge, I am a leader. From a young age I demonstrated a tendency to lead; from sports teams to scouts, from the classroom to the playground, I stepped up. If there was an opportunity to lead, I took it.
This nature of mine continued through high school, college and carried straight through the Marine Corps. It’s probably not surprising to know that I started my first business shortly after getting out of the Marine Corps. After all, a key defining characteristic of entrepreneurs is being a leader.
So, what would you call someone who has a passion to lead others in their pursuit of knowledge through sharing their wisdom gained through life experiences. Myself, I label them a teacher.
Warrior energy is something I have long connected to. However, in recent years I have come to value and understand a wider spectrum of this archetype.
In my youth, it was the fierce desire to seek perfection in a skill like a 3-point shot or a crossover dribbling move in soccer. It was the competitiveness I took into an event and the sportsmanship I displayed regardless of the outcome.
In the Marine Corps, it was my relentless endurance and fortitude to push through physical pain and overcome mental challenges. This is also where I began to understand discipline to be something we subject upon ourselves or leave to others to force upon us.
Most recently, I recognize and invoke the protective energy of the warrior. Through my personal Hero’s journey, I have discovered what I value most in life… internal peace. Having lost this for so long, and finally reclaiming it, I have made a personal vow to protect this above all.
All that said, a warrior must follow some path and they must have some allegiance or they can easily become soldiers for hire, chasing money and simple pleasures with no regard for the consequences of their actions. As a warrior, my allegiance is to my family, my community, and this planet; to see each of them thrive individually and collectively. My path can be seen through my Mission and Vision.
It’s your turn to share your story.
Lets connect! Send me a Message or book a Discovery call. I’m excited to learn about your journey and join you on your path.
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